Shooting in NYC again

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Made an incredible push with 2 huge agencies and a very well known model scout in New York City.  We shot a total of 4 models, 1 from Ford, 2 from Supreme and 1 from Red.

It was a CRAZY trip and my make up artist was driving me fucking crazy because she was not a trooper, but I had to being the photographer means you are also the leader of the team and I pulled our asses out of the hole and got shit done at the expense of my own sanity and money.  Because really…it isn’t THAT HARD to learn how to take the subway.

I’m too tired to even rant about this trip…I’ll do that in a later post.

So I finally met her!

It wasn’t suppose to happen, we were going to miss each other by a couple weeks but since  I’m freelance I took control of my destin–er i mean, schedule and made it happen.

I really wanted to stand next to her in this photo, but alas it was my camera so I took the sides without making it too awkward for everyone else.  She’s the cutie in the glasses.

I like her a lot, she’s really smart, outgoing, confident and physically very attractive.  This is one definitely another who is above my pay grade in terms of a quality human being.  I just find her so interesting when she talks about her aspirations or even when she’s complaining about her life.  There was though, a sense of dread from not knowing how it would work out (which I was constantly thinking about while I was hanging out with her which probably came off as coldness on my part for most of the time that we were together.  I really didn’t loosen up until the very end of our time together)  If I was younger I would have dove into this in a heartbeat.  I want to still try my best to make this work because I think she’s worth it and there maybe more opportunities in Atlanta anyways.

Seeing her stride away at the airport after I dropped her off, the way she walked with her cute little hat on, her hips swaying side to side, walking with purpose…I don’t know, it was so endearing to me.  Like she was happy to go back home but knew she was going to see me again soon.  That we were both going to try.  That meant everything to me.

Why is that as we get older, we fear more as if we have more to lose from falling for someone who seems so right for us.  Shouldn’t we have nothing to lose?  Now that I think of it, work picked even more for me ever since I started talking to her in April.  Even though I had never met her or even talked to her on the phone, she put me in a good mood just through text messages, which made me enjoy everything else about life more, especially work.  I think as a creative, this feeling was reflected in my photographs.  The agencies seemed to like them more which in return meant more people sent to me.  In my line of work, it is important to feign happiness even if you’re not, or else it shows in the photographs.  For once I didn’t have to feign it, she made me happy on all fronts and this was all before I even met her.  After having met her, i hope I can do the same for her.

I wish I knew her two years ago when i was still considering places to move to in the Southeast.  I really hope this works out, but with all long distance relationships, I have only known failure and I don’t want the past to affect my thinking.

 

The only time I had a real moment with a model

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I remember this girl was way above my pay grade.  She was signed with Ford and yes she was legal, Jesus Christ.  This was back in 2009 when I started dabbling in photography.

We were in her apartment and I was just casually taking some polaroids for her portfolio before she was even formally signed by Ford.  She couldn’t pay me because she was broke at the time so she made me some shitty Campbell’s chicken soup which I pretended to like because, well she was gorgeous.  We talked for a while on the couch looking over the photos, casually joking and jostling with each other to the point where we did have a slight moment that lasted about a minute.  I was sitting on the couch and she was behind me.  She bent down and leaned her head against my shoulder, her cheek touching mine.  I turned and looked at her, our lips were practically almost touching, and my god, her lips were perfect.

Then I remembered I had to go away for a while and the feeling of dread kicked in and that really really fucking sucked.

So I just stopped, packed my things and left.

She’s married now with a kid and I couldn’t be anymore happy for her.

Be uncomfortable

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Whenever there’s an uncomfortable situation that I can put myself in, I try my best to put myself there.  It builds strength and adaptability.

Usually I would not do a shoot like this because it’s just too grudgy low key art with almost no production budget at all.  I mean, I only used one Profoto Magnum reflector throughout the entire project.

But I liked it, it allowed me to hang out with people who I normally wouldn’t have a chance to be with.  Beatnik artists, grudgy artist that have completely different taste than I, but we all came together and made it work because creating art unites.  And once we’ve settled on a vision, nothing else matters.  We put aside our differences in taste and culture, to create and that’s a wonderful thing because we stop judging each other.

Friends

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I’ve lost so many friends over the course of my life due to pride, fear, failure and all sorts of other mistakes on my part.  I want to keep some around.  Although I’m still not the type that can see them every single week, (i’m a very high functional introverted extrovert if that makes any damn sense at all.)  I make every effort that I can to hang out because they keep me sane despite being almost 8 years younger than me.  I guess I get along with the old souls.

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Ok, so this is getting silly.  How could I possibly go on a date with someone 200 miles away and not make it seem pressured and awkward.  I don’t even talk to anyone else now and that’s highly unlike me because I’ve never been one to believe that there is only one person in this lifetime for someone.